mind vs. heart.

too happy for words.

a blog post will never show you how much i truely love you, buh [;

a year later.

look back, &look at us now. which affects you the most? we worked hard to get us where we were.. so why are we here now?

and i still stand by what i said a year ago. i just wonder if he does..

HELLO THERE! [:

just because i havent updated this. ill do it later!

alhgflakjeg;ilovejerodalhgflakjeg [;

BECAUSE.

i dont care bout whos round me, i dont care whos watchin! i dont care if a teacher sees me, i dont care if youre sweaty! i dont even care if the uther nigga liked or likes me!

and you ask why im bratty? please.

HI AGAIN!

its 6:05am, a perfect ass time to catch up! i cant go to sleep! damn this is what happens when im gone fa the philippines fa 2 weeks. but im jus glad to be back!
nothins bin happenin, same ol same ol. VERRRRRRRRRRRY happy to seee my boyfriend again! i wanna take a new picture wit him, one with him smilin! he has a pretty smile idk why he dont wanna show it! at the same time im doin a survey on myspace, i really got nothina do! i wanna call my boyfriend but i kno hes so tired, from playin basketball wit his boyfriends. so ill jus let him sleep, when he replies to my text then thas when ill call him. oh fuck im startin to get hungry again, but i dont even kno wat i wanna eat! i needa get my nails redone, i want it plain now. k bye! ima go and tryta find somethina do.

byebye):

Dear Boyfriend,

hi lovelove. so you kno im leavin today, &that i aint comin back til

the 11th of January. &my blog will prolly be the closest thing that youll have of me talkin to you. so i wanna make this as heart felt and long as possible. right now youre sleepin, and i hope that you dont wake up while i write this but i doubt that youll stay sleep cus i called you like about 30 mins ago! but youre a sleepy head so iono! man i think ima suck at this letter! but while im away and youre readin this over and over again, ima prolly be shopping, spending time with the cousins, but dont you ever think for one second that im not missing you just because im not able to contact you as much as i would like to. you know for a damn fact that youre gonna be the one that im thinkin bout when the plane lifts off, while im preparing to dread that damn 14 hour flight with nothing to do.

Baby thank you for last nite, you really dont kno how much you mean to me. i may not tell you all the time how much you mean to me and you may only read it on blogs but thas because i dont kno how to tell you in person or on the phone. as much as i tell you how much i “like” you alot more than you like me, as much as i kiss you, how long i wanna hold your hand or even be right by your side, no matter how many texts i send you with as much 3s as i can, you will never, ever kno how special you are to me.

God im so stupid for my past, i wished i wouldve listened to everyone when they told me that i shoulda just left him because someone else thats much better is out there for me, and that hes just gonna end up doin me hella dirty. but i blocked them out, i didnt wanna listen to the truth because i knew they were right. but me, i was scared to let go because as badly as he treated me, for some reason i thot that no one was gonna treat me better, that no one was able to. Then he proved everybody right, and i was left with no one but myself.

i cant believe i was so blind to not see you sooner, i could’ve been happier and bein took care of when i was bein mistreated by someone i wasted my time for. All that pain, those tears ive cried, all the minutes i spent bein sad &depressed, ill never get back. but because of you, i kno the only thing ima be spending my time on is bein happy. the tears ive already cried was not because of depression or bein heartbroken, but tears of joy! can you believe that i never did that? ive never bin so happy to the point that i cried just because i was happy. those tears, i dont mistake for letting them fall down my face. im actually glad they fell because this time i actually have someone worth my tears for.

im actually kind of glad that i went thru all that misery, because without it i wouldve bin blind to actually see it even if it was right infronna my face. but since i did go thru that, i know now from what is wrong and what is right. and youre definately my right. Babe arent you glad that im yours now? but youre prolly not as glad as i am, having someone who leaves me cute lil text messages before i go to sleep at nite even when we just hung up the phone, or how tight but at the same time how gentle you hug me, hold me, kiss me; how sweet you talk to me even when youre trying to act mean! haha. face it Baby you werent made to be mean to your babygirl (:

;lkjhgfdsa; its amazing how fast ive fallen for you, when just before you i wasnt even interested in bein a relationship. remember i had that sign in my about me on my myspace? but if you havent noticed the day before, or was it the day i told you? oh well whichever day it was i took that off so quick! i was tryna tell you HELLOOO LOOOOK DID YOU NOTICE THAT ITS OFF?! you dont kno this but during that week i was wishing at 11:11, asking, hoping, wishing my hardest that you’ll start liking me and that you were gonna ask me out! stupid huh? but look, now my wish caaame truuue!

you kno i could write longer, but my mom is telling me to go get ready cus its 1:13 now and we’re leavin in a lil more of an hour and a half or somethin. idk you kno im bad at my math! this may sound rushed now but thank you for coming into my life and turning my world upright when it was upside down. ive said this before in the previous blogs, but im really glad that you were able to open my heart up from the locked doors it was hiding behind. and thanks for bein hella ugly with a beastly personality to go along with it, ykno?!?

Jerod Andrew Moreno you aint gotta worry bout me goin off with other guys because ive honestly fallen for you so hard to be stuck! great, ugh. thanks a lot.
Baby just remember that there wont be a day that im not gonna think about you when im gone, and i kno thatll go for you too.

i l… like you baby. more than youll ever know.<3

like a lullaby.

it was hard for me to take a nap today! i tossed &turned for about an hour and even tried sleepin on different sides of my moms bed! i tried gettin comfortable under the blankets and that didnt work either. nothing did! i texted my boyfriend tellin him how i couldnt really fall asleep, right when he woke up. then he IMed me and i started complainin to him how i couldnt fall asleep.
“go take a nap baby! try for me” he told me. said our goodbyes, even told me goodnite, and tried fallin back to sleep but i couldnt. there was somethin missin. so i called him tellin him i wanted to hear him say goodnite to me,
“But i just did!” he said. “OK goodnite baby i like you alot and i miss you”.
“Goodnite baby i like you more and i miss you more too”
“bye baby!”
“bye babe”

& thenn the babygirl drifted to sleep..

26th.

just one more day til i leave and come back ona 11th ):
i wouldve liked to seee my boyfriend today but i couldnt.
i like my boyfriend alot, i may say this hella times but i really do. you dont even know how much i like my boyfriend, i miss him to the point that i neeeeeda at least text him every 30 mins to an hour, or even perhaps text him within that hour! nonstop talkin, thank goodness for texting!

JAM.
J erod’s
A lways
M ines

must be outcha minndddd if you thinkin ima let this one loose. He’s so special to me, i get myself speechless because im so overwhelmed by the grip he has on me. i just hope he never lets go of that grip.

SPEAKIN of my baby he jus texted me! hahaha you dont kno how much i smiled when i read “Gmornin baby.”
Yesterday i was sleepy, so he told me to take a nap before babytime. then i told him i was only gonna take a nap if he did. so he said yeah hes gonna take one and i told him to call me when he wakes up. i was bout ready to fall sleep when some shit came up that killed my nap, so i was like man forget it and i went back on aim on my phone, then my baby goes “Awww your parents came home?” and i hella thot he was takin a nap with me too! i told him then he told me he only said that just so his baby could get some rest <3 i love it when he calls me Babygirl. him bein my boyfriend is my GREATEST Christmas present. so no exchanges please! (: